- Author
Posted October 28, 2012
Updated to 10-28
...So good to be back home. Since Friday afternoon I have been down at my mother-in-law's house paying a visit because it was her birthday yesterday. I'd love to come here just once and tell you something exciting that I saw down there or interesting but I can't. I've just about given on that. The closest thing I can tell you is something my wife saw. Around 2 am early Saturday morning she was letting the dogs out to do their business when she heard a noise across the street. Some guy was raking his leaves and bagging them up. I can vouch for this happening around 2 am because for some reason she had wake me up to tell me what happened. I did not see this myself because I did not want to get out of bed. But I still believed her. And so should you. That's it. That's my exciting story. And it wasn't really even mine.
...I finally figured out the good thing about having to go down there every so often. It makes me want to be the best person I can possibly be because going down there and spending my time there makes me realize what hell is going to look like for me and I have no plans on going there when I'm all done.
...Two female members of the Russian punk band Pu ssy Riot were sent to prisons far from Moscow to server the remaining time of their two year sentence because of their protest against President Vladimir Putin. "Far from Moscow" translates into Siberia. The only question remains is who is going to be happier to see them when they get there, the guards or the inmates?
...A nine-year-old Pennsylvania girl was shot by one of her relatives last week outside a Halloween party when the man mistook the costume she was wearing for a skunk. The little girl went outside still wearing her costume (she was dressed in black with a black hat) and the relative spotted what he thought was a skunk and fired his shotgun, hitting the girl in the neck, back and arm. What I don't get is how you can mistake a kid with a skunk and why you would bring a shotgun to a Halloween party knowing that kids are going to be there. The child was immediately flown to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. The relative had his shotgun taken away and was told he would not get it back until he made an appointment with an optometrist.
...Ozzie Guillen's Marlins career is over. Next stop, the Cuban Baseball League. There's a guy down there who will get him a managerial position with the snap of a finger.
...The first thing I thought of when Hunter Pence hit that broken bat double against the Cardinals in game seven was that it evened the score against them for that infield fly rule call.
...We all know how bad the Yankees hit in the playoffs but once you read this little tidbit you'll agree that it was even worse. The total amount of hits that Curtis Granderson, Nick Swisher, Robinson Cano and Alex Rodriguez got combined against the Orioles and Tigers was fourteen. In the National League Championship Series, Marco Scutaro got fourteen hits all by himself.
...In three at-bats in game one of this year's World Series Pablo Sandoval did more than Alex Rodriguez and company ever did in the post season.
...The Boston Red Sox were finally able to get what they wanted out of the Blue Jays as they took their manager John Farrell (who was still under contract for them until the end of next season) and named him manager of their team next year. Toronto willingly participated in this transaction and made sure the Red Sox got exactly what they wanted. In return for giving up Farrell Boston gave the Jays shortstop Mike Aviles and no one else. In addition, Toronto sent right handed pitcher David Carpenter to Boston as part of the deal. So, the Blue Jays give up their manager and one of their players for Aviles. With deals like this now you know why they haven't been anywhere near the playoffs in twenty years.
...You got to hand it to rich people like LeAnn Rimes. Her career has tanked over the past few years as she's created more tabloid hits than song hits. She has denied having an eating disorder, slept around and cheated on her first husband while screwing around with her current husband when they were both married at the time while facing the fact that she hasn't done anything worthwhile since she burst on the country music scene at fourteen singing Blue. So what does she do at the age of thirty? She checks herself into a month-long treatment program for "anxiety and stress" and then as soon as she's released immediately runs to Katie Couric for a on-camera interview. Look at me, everything's fine! Nothing that happened to me was my fault! Maybe she should be given a break. She jilted her own husband, stole someone else's husband and has millions of dollars in the bank. This is a hard life you would wish on no one.
...I really wanted to start off this week's random thoughts with this but I kept on thinking of funny things to say about it that I kept on putting it off. Ok here goes. There was a family in Brazil who was holding a funeral for their 41 year old son who was employed as a car washer. The family's confusion began when they heard on the news that a car washer had been shot dead and the police called and said it was their relative that was shot. The man's own brother went to the morgue and identified the body as his late brother. (Later, when the brother was asked how he could have made this kind of mistake he said that the two men closely resembled each other and both worked as car washers, confirming the fact that all Brazilian car washers look alike.) You can imagine what happened next. The brother goes back to the family and says yeah, it's him, I saw him. Next, the body was delivered to the mother's home where a wake was held a few hours before the burial. While this was going on, a friend of the family sees the guy -who keep in mind is supposed to be dead- walking down the street minding his own business. He's told that his whole family is gathered together paying their last respects to him and tells him where they are. When he finally showed up there to let his mother know this was all a terrible mistake and that he is just fine, some people fainted as soon as they saw that he was standing upright and moving around. Other people after seeing him again got so scared that they started screaming and ran away. Some probably are still running. They might not have recognized him when he was dead,but they sure as hell recognized him alive!
...Can you just imagine what was said and what went on once they all calmed down and realized that he was alive and right there with them?
Hey, I thought you were dead? I was, but I got better.
Wait a minute now... if you're here who's the stiff in the coffin?
It would have been really funny if the guy walked in the room and said "So, who died?"
What kind of spread do you have laid out for after the funeral? I'm starved!
So, anything new with you?
Go help up Uncle Alberto. He passed out in the flower bed after saw you come in.
Where's your brother? He couldn't even do one simple thing like identify you at the morgue. No one go anywhere - we can still have a funeral!!
Does this mean we have to give back the TV we took from your house?
...NBA Commissioner David Stern will be retiring in 2014 after thirty years on the job. Can anyone imagine if Bud Selig held his post for that long and how much damage he'd end up causing? That guy wouldn't be happy until he found a way to make us pay to watch the post season.
...For those of you who are going to be taking your kids out this Wednesday evening for Halloween I hope you have a nice time and that the weather co-operates for you. At my house we won't be passing out candy this year because the last four years or so no one has gone house-to-house in my neighborhood. We've had candy but no one to pass them out to. I did my best to help get rid of the bags and my wife brought some to work but this year she didn't buy any. Every time she's one step ahead of me.
...Got a new water heater this week. All I had to do was wave goodbye to $1,100.
...This is the last full week of election news and coverage. If that doesn't put a smile on your face nothing will.
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